Allow me to introduce you to the Friday Brunch in Dubai....
As the name so cryptically suggests, it concerns food, and in this particular case, LOTS of it.
Friday Brunch is an institution here. Most hotels, restaurants and bars “do brunch”. It’s usually a (fabulous-beyond-words) buffet affair where you pay a set amount and can eat and drink all-you-can between 12h30 and 15h30.
But allow me to put this into perspective: It’s Friday brunch, i.e. it’s on our first day of the weekend, which is also the Islamic Holy Day. And basically, while the Muslims are at Mosque praying, the ex-pats are getting trollied on Bollie. And I DO mean trollied, and I DO mean Bollie - the really expensive bubbly sparkling wine that you can actually legally call “Champagne”.
You may be able to tell that I am speaking from experience. And you’d be correct. I was invited by my aunt and her friends to join in for Friday Brunch last week. Of course, I had read all the ads in the papers and Time Out magazine in which hundreds of restaurants proclaim to “have the best Brunch!”. I’d heard the rumours about these notorious affairs and how completely out-of-hand they can get, so, I was keen to see for myself. I blow-dried my hair, thanked God once again for Bobby Brown’s Under Eye Concealer (it was a long week, ok, I was really tired), slapped on some lipstick, and caught a taxi to my Inaugural Brunch.
I arrived at a scene unlike anything I have ever seen before. All the women were dressed to the nines.. heels, hair, designer outfits, you name it! The tables were decorated with balloons, party hats, fake-plastic tiaras and those hooty-blowy things that you buy for kids parties. Taking into account that this was an Australian restaurant, I chalked this down to the quirky habits of our cousins Down Under. Apparently Brunch is an occasion for themed decor experimentation.
What was truly astounding, however, was the service at this eatery. The food was the obligatory buffet (sushi, seafood, roast, leave-your-diet-at-your apartment, etc etc etc), so no waitrons needed for that. But it was the serving of the drinks that defied all comprehension. No sooner had you taken a mere two sips of Bollinger, than an apron-clad Filipino lass or lad would magically appear to top you up! There were about 200 people all drinking the same thing, at the same time, so how did they know that under-dressed little-old-me “needed” a refill? The Bottomless Bollie was in town and it was taking no prisoners.
There’s nothing quite like having unlimited alcohol at a set price to get people well and truly, um, festive.
By three-thirty in the afternoon, the place, and everyone in it, was unrecognisable. The music (‘70s, 80’s & 90‘s of course), which had been getting progressively louder, was suddenly at nightclub level. The green and red disco lights were turned on, psycadelically reflecting off the mirror ball in the centre of the room, which was apparently everyone’s cue to get up and shake their collective booties - whether in the aisles between the tables, on the tables, or at the bar. Let me just say again.. it was three thirty in the afternoon. Not the morning.
It must also be noted that the average age of ex-pats in Dubai is between 35 and 60. There are no “young things” - employers tend to look for people with experience, so you’re never going to get a bar or club filled with students. The reason I’m mentioning this, is to give you a proper picture. You won’t find twenty-somethings getting-down to JayZee’s latest. Oh no. This was well and truly fully-grown men and women - doing dance moves that really are best left in the decade from which they originated - shrieking “ooooooh, we’re halfway there.... oooooh oooooh, liiiiiiving on a prayerrrrrr!” and “..and I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more......”.
I can assure you, however, that no-one was walking anywhere after this. And certainly not 500-miles.
What a day! From my position as casual observer and small-time participant at this event, I can confirm that Friday Brunch is lots of fun.
But having said that, there is no way in hell that I could do more than one Brunch a month - if that. I don’t care how tempting the ads and posters are. And when they say that Friday Brunch is an institution, they really mean it. You need to go to one to recover.
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